radioactive
by skibagrant
Summary: College AU. He had slowly come to terms with having to become mildly social (despite the fact that he despised conversing with people) and entertained the idea of having one roommate. But Bilbo didn't get just one roommate. He got five.
1. Chapter 1

Note: College AU, _College AU,_ **College AU. **That's about it.

The problem with living on a university campus that had about 10,000 students meant that Bilbo, who was normally a solitary sort of guy, was never truly alone. He preferred to be left alone—he always had—so it surprised the remnants of his once large family and the people of his small town that Bilbo was going to such a large school. Leaving wasn't all too hard as there were no loose ends to tie; no girlfriend to make false promises to and no friends to make pointless claims of keeping in touch with.

Bilbo requested a single—he thought it easier to avoid the awkwardness that would occur with a possible roommate if he had the normal college dorm living experience. Unfortunately for Bilbo he wasn't aware that freshmen rarely got the rooms they requested and they were more often than not thrown into the housing that was the complete opposite of what was wanted.

He quickly accepted the fact of not having a single and moved on—he had slowly come to terms with having to become mildly social (despite the fact that he despised conversing with people) and entertained the idea of having one roommate. But Bilbo didn't get just one roommate.

He got five.

Bilbo thought it was a mistake at first—a sort of prank that the university pulled on new kids like him—but he soon realized that his name was indeed on the door along with five other rather odd names and his stomach dropped.

He fumbled with the door key in his hand, his fingers unable to grasp it without shaking slightly. Bilbo leaned against the door, his forehead sweaty on the unforgiving concrete doorframe; he adjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder before placing the key in the keyhole and turning it, opening the door slowly. His stomach dropped instantly and he held his breathe in part nervousness, part anticipation.

The door opened and—nothing. Bilbo breathed a sigh of relief and walked into the extremely quiet dorm room and glanced around. The place looked lived in—the small kitchenette had dirty dishes that filled up the sink and the small common room across the way from it had unfolded blankets strewn across the couches.

Bilbo scratched his head and walked past the kitchen and the common room and down the hallway. Two bedrooms were there—each with two beds in it. The room at the end of the hallway was fully occupied by two incredibly messy guys; the obsessively clean part of Bilbo lurched as he forced himself to move on. The room next door to it had an empty bed and one half of the room was torn apart. He sighed and walked in to the room, cringing at the sight of the lived in part of the room.

He shook his head. "Oh no, no. That will not do."

Bilbo shook his head and placed his bed on the empty bed. He opened the bag and began unpacking, putting the small amount of clothes he had away and pulling out the bed sheets before placing them in their correct spots.

He jumped when he heard the door open.

"Oi, I wonder if he's here yet." The voice, which had a slightly different accent from what he was accustomed to, spoke in a friendly tone.

"Why does it matter? You're not rooming with him." Another voice answered, with slightly less friendly yet with the same type of accent.

"Oh Bofur, come off it."

The man mumbled and dropped what sounded like a book bag on the floor. "Good thing Thorin ain't here yet."

"Ah? And why's that?"

"Kili, you know him better than I do."

Bilbo could practically hear the roll of the man named Kili's eyes. "Yeah, barely. Just because he's family doesn't mean I have to know him." There was a sigh and a grunt in agreement before all conversation was dropped.

Bilbo clutched his bag tightly as he heard the footsteps of one of the men get closer to the room he was presently in. He couldn't help but feel as if he was about to be caught doing something incredibly naughty, which in turn made Bilbo feel like he was intruding on some sacred moment that he shouldn't have privy to.

"Oi, Kili. Roomie's here."

Bilbo stiffened slightly before turning from his bed and faced the man behind him.

"I'm sorry I just assumed this was where I was staying." His voice was shaky. Bilbo hated when he sounded like that.

The source of the voice was a man a little taller than he was—which honestly wasn't that tall—who leaned against the doorframe, his hip and shoulder holding up the rest of his body. His eyebrow was cocked and a smirk was on his lips.

"You're shorter than I imagined."


	2. Chapter 2

Bilbo swallowed his annoyance after hearing the remark—he was assuming it was Bofur who had said it- and stuck his hand out. "I'm Bilbo, nice to meet you." It took more effort than he was willing to admit to keep his tone neutral. Bofur grabbed his hand tightly and shook it, a wide smile still on his lips. "I'm Bofur—or Bo if you prefer, I'm not picky—"He gestured to the empty space behind him. "Kili! Get in here!"

"Hold your hair old man," Kili cried out, obviously aiming to annoy his friend. "I'm texting Fili."

Bofur bristled slightly at the insult and rolled his eyes. "Two years older than you does not make me ancient—don't you and Fili have some sort of telekinesis worked out?" He lowered his voice. "Sure as shit feels like it half the time." Bilbo attempted to stifle a laugh, and then leaned against his bed. Maybe this won't be so bad.

"I'm saving us trouble, Bo—he's going to keep Thorin out a little while longer." Bofur sighed heavily. "Lucky for us, that. Look mate—Bilbo was it—Thorin isn't the nicest of people, so he's going to take some getting used to. Were you a last minute enrollment?" Bilbo shook his head. "Yeah, but I was only a week or two behind. I actually requested a single; I don't know how I ended up in this room."

"That explains a lot—I'm guessing we had the only open bed and no offense meant to you mate, but Thorin hates new people." Bofur said it matter-of-factly with a shrug of his shoulders. "Just how it's always been. Why he chose to go to a huge university is beyond me. Anyway, enough of the Thorin warning—what's your major?"

Bilbo's eyes widened. "Right—uh—this Thorin guy—maybe I'll just stay locked in this room all day—he doesn't have to meet me we can avoid any problems if I just stay in my room. No worries."

He saw Bofur's eyes narrowed and his mouth dropped open slightly. "You're rambling mate."

"Right, sorry 'bout that." Bofur waved his hand in a non-committal fashion as if to say 'forget about it'."Oi, Kili! Why does texting Fili require you to be in a different room? Get in here!" He seemed to losing his patience. Bofur looked at Bilbo apologetically. "Sorry 'bout him, he's a bit daft at times."

Bilbo relaxed against his bedframe and scratched the back of his head. "No worries."

The roommate smiled then faced the still empty doorway once more. "C'mon mate! We haven't got all day!"

Heavy footsteps made their way from the common room down the hallway. The man—or rather teenager—that appeared in the doorway was not what Bilbo was expecting. The teen-Kili, this one is Kili—was lanky, almost too small for his seemingly obnoxious personality. He greeted Bilbo with an almost blinding smile and nodded his head slightly in greeting. "I'm Kili! You're the new roomie here, huh?"

Bilbo raised his eyebrow and stuck out his hand again—the gesture had all but been engrained in his DNA, his parents were convinced that it was the best way to greet someone they didn't know—Kili took it and shook his hand strongly.

"You'll fit in here just fine." Kili sounded confident, despite the warning about Thorin, who Bilbo was now terrified of meeting. "Though I should warn you. We have family slash friends that are always here."

Bilbo gasped. "Wait, uh—what?"

Before Kili or Bofur could answer the front door to the dorm room swung open and a group of 5 or 6 men walked in, loud and boisterous; Bilbo had half a mind to run back into his room and lock the door. He had made to move so when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Bofur's hand was gripping him firmly, keeping him in place.

"Don't be scared now, man. These are just the bunch of fucks that live next door." He raised his voice slightly. "Though you wouldn't know it with how much they're over here!"

The group yelled back at Bofur in what seemed like a loud roar of words that made no sense. The group varied little in height and it made Bilbo feel a bit taller knowing he wasn't the only excruciatingly short person at this university. The group forced their way into the dorm and essentially stood in a line, presenting themselves to Bilbo. He counted six people—_Six! Too many people! Overload!_—while Bofur and Kili held him in place to prevent the possibility of his fleeing from the scene.

"Alright," Bofur counted while a look of mild annoyance passed over his features. "We're missing one." He grumbled and paced around the common room of the dorm slowly. Bilbo attempted to speak but his voice was stuck in his throat. "Oi, where's Gandalf?" Kili asked loudly, calming the dull roar of voices that had been caused by the group.

"He had a meetin'! He's our RA now mate!" A small voice called out. Bilbo had no idea who the voice belonged to and became slightly dizzy by the idea of being around a mass group of people of people at all times. '_I definitely came to the wrong university._' He closed his eyes deliberately for a moment and breathed deeply. Bilbo slowly opened his eyes. "Oh gods, you're all still here."

"Hey! I take offense to that!" A red-haired man yelled, anger glinting in his eyes.

Bofur sighed and rubbed his temples. "All of you need to shut the hell up." He said it quietly, but the group became silent after hearing the slight anger in his voice. "Okay everyone, this is Bilbo." He motioned over and continued speaking. "Bilbo, this is everyone." Bofur laughed at the look on Bilbo's face and continued."Don't worry about knowing who they are right away—most of them are unimportant anyway." The roar of the group reached a peak but Bofur motioned them to stop talking. The group obeyed, much to Bilbo's surprise. "Right. Kili, tell him who's who." Bofur walked away and sat on one of the couches that was in the common room.

Kili smiled slightly and pointed at the first of the group. "That's Gloin—"The red haired man that shouted in anger earlier all but bowed at the introduction. "—and his older brother Oin." The man next to the red head smirked; his hair was all but white and looked older than he was. The next three were introduced in quick succession and Bilbo had difficulty placing the names to the faces. "Ori, Dori and Nori—"They all nodded their heads and gave him smiles. "And this old fucker over here is Balin."

The man in question pointed at Kili. "Watch it, you." Bilbo noted his white hair and kind eyes, which relaxed him almost immediately. "No offense," Bilbo asked in a small voice, "But what happened to your—"

Balin cut Bilbo off and smiled. "Oh that?" he ran his fingers through his shortly cropped hair." That be a mishap with a bottle of bleach and an angry ex-girlfriend. Never piss off a Scottish lass, mate." Despite himself, Bilbo laughed and relaxed. Balin definitely put him at ease.

"Oh Kili, Bofur—Thorin and Dwalin are on their way back by the way—Did you tell Bilbo about him?"

Kili answered quickly. "We warned him, yeah. But Fili was supposed to keep them out a bit longer-"

"It seems that your darling brother was distracted by an attractive woman. He never met up with Dwalin and Thorin." Balin turned to Bilbo. "No offense meant to you lad, Thorin just tends to be a bit of an arse. You'll learn to ignore him. God knows we all do—"

After the fact, Bilbo would wonder how no one heard the door creak open or the sound of a messenger bag full of books falling to the floor. But at that moment, Bilbo was taken completely off guard as the man that everybody had warned him about walked into the center of the common room and crossed his arms.

Thorin did not speak, but fixed his gaze on Bilbo.

Another man about the same age hovered by the side of Bilbo, and kept his eyes glued to his side. He stuck a hand out, urging Bilbo to shake it. "Name's Dwalin." He spoke in a low, gravelly voice which put Bilbo on edge. Dwalin's appearance did little to calm him down either; a short mohawk graced his skull and tattoos spread out on the bare skin.

Bilbo heard Balin cough and glanced back at him. "Well. Hi Dwalin, good to see you."

Dwalin smiled slightly and went to stand next to Balin. "Good to see you too, brother."

Bilbo shoved his hands in his pockets and hunched his shoulders. He searched for the familiar face of Kili or Bofur, but found they were looking elsewhere. He looked at the floor and felt some sort of solace at not having to meet anyone's gaze.

"Has anyone seen Fili?" The voice that spoke wasn't familiar to him—he assumed it was Thorin. Kili cleared his throat slightly. "He's got a class or something."

"Right." Thorin didn't sound convinced. "Like he'd ditch me and Dwalin for class."

Bilbo heard heavy footsteps draw closer to where he was standing and looked up from the spot on the floor that had become incredibly interesting recently.

"And who are you?"

He looked directly in Thorin's eyes. "Bilbo."

Thorin smirked and started to walk down the hallway to his bedroom. "I don't like you." Bilbo heard the door slam and all hell broke loose.


End file.
